It has been about 8 months since the last incident that happened between Daniel & I. If I was talking to him this is what I would say;
I have been thinking about it once in awhile what happened. I know saying sorry does not mean anything anymore. I am really sorry for hurting you, Daniel. I am sorry for trying to sabotage your relationship to hurt you. There is no reason to hurt you at all. You weren’t being rude to me or anything bad. You didn’t deserve that at all. I should have let you be & not continue to talk to you if it was hurting me that much. I was worried about you being like the rest; Nathan & them. I was scared to give you a chance. I handed it things in a poor manner with you.
I know it may be hard to believe, I am not the type of girl who does that kind of shit to people. I really went crazy & overboard. I really lost myself after Nathan’s friend faked a friendship with me & lied a lot. I thought I had something true with him. I thought he was a good friend. I was wrong. He hurt me. I had so much anger & hurt inside me that I want to hurt people back who hurt me. I wasn’t like that before I met him.
When you said goodbye, I got mad & rethink things between us. I lost it with you. I never wanted you to say goodbye to me in the first place. This was all over because I spoke up something you dislike? What the heck dude! I did enjoy your company while it lasted. I appreciate that very much. You never know, you may be actually saving someone’s life by having small convos with them and/or being for them.
When I say, “Nathan needs to realize there is more to life about dislikes on a YouTube video.” You said, “There is more to life to hating on Nathan.” Where the hell is the hate in that? I was giving an OPINION about something. A true statement. I feel like you are standing up for himself & not believing me when I said I didn’t put dislikes on that last YouTube video that his friend edit for them. I really felt you didn’t understand how hurt I was. You are right. There is more to life than hating on Nathan. No matter how much I want to hurt him back. It won’t do me any good. He won’t change. He will always be an asshole towards me.
You didn’t even read my blog post about to Nathan. You may have assumed it was something negative. It wasn’t at all. I made it anonymous because I know how Nathan would dislike me using his name. It’s better off not throwing it in there anyways. If you would like to check it out, here it is, just click here >>> Dear Band Member,
In the very beginning, I asked you nicely to make sure Nathan doesn’t write any statuses about me. You blocked me for no reason what so ever when I DID NOT do a mean thing to you. .. Then a year later, when you created a new account (thought you unblocked me) but sent you a message, saying “Nathan wrote a status about you on Facebook.” You asked me, “Why are you obssessed with Nathan?” .. I was getting at how it bite you back how Nathan was treating you like what he have done to me. Posting stuff on Facebook & using us for attention. That the way you treated me at first that it bite you back.
You are friends with Nathan & the others. I really don’t want trouble. You guys can/want to get me in trouble over silly shit or try to take advantage of me to hurt me. Since you are in that gang, you know how to hurt me. Like getting me in trouble with the cops, because that is all what you guys love to do is to waste the cops time.
What if it was someone else who was tried to sabotage you relationship or be a bitch like I did? Would you think about calling the cops then? **
We handle & see things differently. The more you hang out with Nathan & rest of them, you think it is okay how they treat others. You may start treating people the same way as they do OR maybe you do? There is a reason why you pick Nathan & others to be friends with. The way they treat others & even me, I don’t even like it. I don’t approve. Not my kind of people to get involved with.
You don’t understand me most of the time. You don’t care & want to know how I feel. I felt super upset when you said goodbye & everything. It’s all good.
Daniel, I wrote this, because what I have done was wrong last time. I went crazy. You didn’t deserve it at all. I should have handled it better. I felt bad about doing that because it is not like myself to do that to people who wasn’t doing anything mean to me in the first place.